in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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