My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
