Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
