hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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