I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
