i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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