Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
