I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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