i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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