It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
