Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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