i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
