just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
