I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
