This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
