apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
