My balls are so social today.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
