Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
