it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
