dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
