Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(541): View more from Oregon

I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.

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(347): View more from New York

We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.

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(303): View more from Colorado

i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs

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(203): View more from Connecticut

they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD

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