im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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