I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
