I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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