taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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