Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
