Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
