Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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