I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
