I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
