Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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