turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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