I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
