The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
