the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
