I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
