dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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