Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My ass is underappreciated
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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