Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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