he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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