i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
