she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
