no. you can't hotbox the world.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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