I think my vagina is haunted
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
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