I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize