I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
