Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
