Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
