I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
