He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
