Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
