I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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