There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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