So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
