1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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