Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I have tasted many bathrooms
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
