I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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