Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
