Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
