I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize