a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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