Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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