I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
