So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
