Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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