I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
