Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
