pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
