You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it glows. i had to have it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
