Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
