You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
