if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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