I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Randomize
