there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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