I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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