you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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