OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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